New Editorial Writer ~The great white T. Burón

May Game Recap

Yes, Virginia, there is a Siren Loss.   

The HRD May, 2014 Home games at the Bayou Music Center saw the Psych Ward Sirens plow stop 35 points short of maintaining their undefeated status in a 149 to 184 loss to The Brawlers.  Now hold on to your hat, your beer or whatever you feel like holding, Virginia (or is it “VirginKneeYa”?),  because that loss to The Brawlers means the Sirens and Brawlers are now tied for first place  in the league standings  at 3 wins and 1 loss each.

Asterisks and excuses are unnecessary.  Yes, the Sirens were missing four skaters due to various reasons which I am sure were all plausible and mostly believable (Jekyll & Heidi (#21) vacationing, Eenie Meanie (#55) moved, Syrenge (#911) on 9-months LOA,  Marianne Morgue (#419) and Maul McCartney (#9) - not sure).  But roller derby, like all sports, suffers the disabled list and attrition and, um, vacation schedules I guess.

The fact is, The Brawlers brought their “A” game and their “A” players - with only Patti Painz (#9669) still in painz from her break and Pirouette Threat (#604) having moved out of town to maybe find some tights to accompany her barely booty shorts.

The stage is now set and the next two months will tell the tale.  Both teams have two more rankings games to play (June, July) before the HRD League Championships in August.

The Sirens may (I said “may”) have the tougher of the two games.  On June 21st, they go up against the Bayou City Bosses, who are 2-2 for the 2014 season, in the first game of the double-header at Bayou Music Center.   

In the most positive, least derogatory sense of the word, the Bosses have been playing the game with a bit of an attitude lately.  Lately?  Okay, how about a bit more so in a noticeable way?  Is it safe to come out yet?  With players like Betty Watchett (#19) and Mayhem Angelou (#86) chasing escaping jammers with almost as much contempt as they view the 21-foot Out of Play mark; and, a star-cover-wearing Voodoo Dollie (#9) acting like an opponent’s four wall is more like an insult than a barrier, one senses that the Bosses have all been playing the game with a huge chip on their shoulder...and hip...and maybe the occasional elbow.  If the indignation of Mary Queen of Skates (#1542) or the “this hit ain’t personal it’s just business” of Jenetic Defect (#S10W) or the “Oh, no you didn’t!” of Mommy Fearest (#15) can spur the rest of the Bosses to make The Pack an inhospitable place for the Sirens jammers, do not be shocked if the Final Score tips in favor of the ladies in black.

The Brawlers on the other hand, go up against the Valkyries in the second game of the June 21 double header.  

The Valkyries’ 0-4 record would seem to indicate an easy peasy lemon squeezy game for The Brawlers.  But before you bet your buddy a beer on The Brawlers, let me give you some points to ponder, pardner.

The Valks are a curious mix of old-school brawn but newer-school brains.  Veteran skater Goldie BloXX (#007) has two types of backwards-skating (mostly in the derby direction) shoulder hits: hard and harder.  I would describe returned-veteran Speed’O (#3) as both wiley and wiry on the track, but only if she took it as a compliment or I was safely out of retribution range.  The Valks have some muscle.  But just to name a not-so few skaters like Bazinga (#73), Bullet Sucker (#950), Chiro-Fracture (#35FT), Hot Assets (#751), Dutch Destroyer (#201) and (where in the world is) Carmen Geddit at bench coach, The Valks have a combined IQ that would rival many industrialized countries.  So if The Valkyries either live up to their namesake wing-bedecked Norse warrior goddesses or a crafty cosplay outcropping of Mensa members, their 0-4 record may belie a very real ability to play the spoiler role during these last few games of the 2014 season.

All that sets the June 21st,  Bayou Music Center double-header up to be a very interesting set of games to watch indeed.    Even if (as I am predicting here, derby fans) the Bosses do parlay their attitude issues into a win over the Sirens, you can rest assured the Sirens won’t let it happen in a hugsy-kissy, derby-love sort of way.  And while I will take that Brawlers-for-a-beer bet over the Valks, I won’t venture any point spread - because my feeling is that the Valks will make it a close one.

~The great white T. Burón